Conversion

The capacity to learn is a gift,

the ability to learn is a skill,

the willingness to learn is a choice.

Received many congratulations from my friends the moment I reached work this morning. I want to feel happy and smiling, but I was just filled with confusion and disappointment inside me. I kept trying to look at the positive side of things, yet I still wonder about the doubt I was asked, “Are you sure you want to become a TL?”. Honestly, I’m not even sure what lies in the path ahead of me at all, whether the cash I hold in my wallet is enough until the day comes, or not. Whenever there’s an offer, I’m willing to take it, and from there I’ll learn as I go with it, which I am sure as hell about.

I had a conversation with my supervisor a few days ago. I was offered a promotion to a different position and that enables me to help carry out duties with my current team leader as it seemed to be a little overwhelming for her. On one particular day, she decided to give me a call and ask me questions that are out of context. I mean, I understand you want me to do what you do, and feel what you feel. Don’t be open and teach the language that it is ok to bring work home. It may be alright for you, but not for everyone else. I continuously tell myself that I have to remember to breathe, take things slow and try my best to pick up and learn this new experience.

I should play the song One Step At A Time by Jordin Sparks for this post 😄

Went back to Marsiling home yesterday, supposedly to pack other things, but my sister had to rest and came a little late so we didn’t get to pack anything. Every time I drop by any home, everyone is on another chapter, a new phase. My sister with her new challenges. Sya with her new path. My mother and her boyfriend, and also caring for my grandmother. My mum, dad and brother onwards on their new journey to a new abode, a new house. My other brother is also in line to their home sweet home and focusing more on the growth of their 2 minions. My other sister... I can’t imagine yet what it is, but she’d gone through hard times and is now on the same level of excitement for our parent’s new home sweet home that’s coming soon. My younger sister… still in college, under the care of her dad, I miss them and don’t like how it’s a little hard for us to set a date to meet. It’ll always be an impromptu one usually.

There will always be this one random moment, where I can only imagine… nenek strolling down by Gardens by the Bay, with all my mum, aunties and uncles, cousins. Just that moment when she can stop worrying about the time entirely. Everyone is going through something, I wish I can have all the time to sit and listen to all of my dad’s preaches and rare collectables. Remember during our school days, the only time we had papa to ourselves is only on the Sunday of the week? We would only visit the library, swim or watch a movie, or just do something. Saturdays would be his half days... Now that he’s always available at home, we can’t bring him to play with us at the playground at the void deck 😄 I want to be there for my mothers, I want to be there for my grandmother, I want to be there for my fathers, I want to be there for my sisters, brothers and cousins. It’s a large picture to paint, but I’ll be there when time allows us.

OMG, why am I emotional? Is it because of this Jordin Spark’s song or what sia… My main post was about how pissed I was at work only, but type in a nicer way la right…  ok la, goodnight. ❤️

New Skin, New Feel

"What? Blogger? In 2020?" 😁 I mean, why not right? Above were photos of us taken earlier yesterday. Our daily weekday routine, fetch them from school, rush house chores, checking their school books, going through our daily lessons at home, breaking down their daily spending in school on paper, and think about what to cook today, later, tonight and tomorrow morning.

Now they're practicing to pack food from home for their recess and more fresh fruits and grains for their snack time in school. I'm a proud mum to witness all the skills they acquire at their present age now. Recently, my daughter learnt to cook rice 😊, for real. That is how much I could depend on her at home and in character, apart from the usual dish washing, laundry folding and cleaning of her own room. My baby girl whom I used to talk to while rubbing my belly round and round in the long warm shower in the past, when I was unsure she is even living, is now my 8 year old feisty little girl.

My son, has grown pretty fast too. I'm now quite sure how to describe it, but I know when I see changes and development in himself. He may not grasp physical things as fast as his sister, but he catches quickly on other details. Like the way he talks, and shows his interest in his friends, future and studies. While I was hanging the laundry a few days ago, he came into the laundry area and sat on the wooden bench beside me. He was practicing to tie the rope on his pants, which I taught him a moment before. When he finally, somehow tied it, he cheered but said it was messy. "It's okay, you only need to practice more, not just today but any other days too." I said. Then he replied, "Yes, because the more you practice, the more you understand.. And then the more you understand, the more you know, and then the more you know the better you will be." I paused and stared into another dimension's galaxy. Haha, and those words came from my 7 year old clumsy, blur, sleepy and a cry-baby son. He is also very talented in drawing pictures of vehicles. My stack of A4 papers that I place under our study table, can vanish in 1 week without my supervision, he'll continue drawing and drawing, about sport cars, his first day at school, even a map showing the journey to school with the little details like how the bus turns and the traffic lights we will pass and so on. But one thing that he hasn't change about himself, is being a whiny boy who cries and talks while complaining all at the same time, about what? About fairness, and his sister. Always, fighting. Even when watching television, I feel like breaking everything in the house in half for each of them 😂.

Time will always be precious when I'm with you my dear kids. Don't be sad when I'm angry at you, know that I'll end up laughing when I turn around trying to stay mad at you. I love you my Fina and Qasya 💓

Moving forward to home

Let's see..

Do I start with a 'Dear Diary..', 'Once Upon A Time..' or 'Hey What's up with the world now?'

It has been about three to four months now since I had stopped working as Logistic Assistant, where quick money roll in every 2 weeks. I've spent a lot of my time working there just to earn much more than the job I had before, which was as an Assistant Teacher at a Childcare Centre. I kept taking all the overtime, committed to the hours 8.15am - 8.30pm  or 10.30pm every day, and every time I reached home.. the day obviously turned to night. I would even work on the weekends, 8.15am - 5.15pm, even sometimes ending at 8.15pm. When things got hard and tiring for me, I would always find ways to bring my interest to work by getting to know all the new temporary staffs, like the students working on their holidays. It was all fun, but physically tiring. I was just hoping for few things.

1. Earn better
2. Help husband out
3. Provide more for our leisure as a family

I continued hoping so much that things are going to get better for us. Until I realised I stayed on because we had to buy a house to move from our rented flat. Buying a flat, benefits us more than renting out a flat though, no doubt about that and never regretted it.

Over some time, I realised home is not really home anymore. I didn't have the time to cook, by the time I reached home, husband and I were tired from work and had to fetch the kids from either my in-law's house or my parent's house, it was an arrangement made so that we could head out to work, so I could head out to work. It was messy, and I didn't really liked it much. I barely spend time with the kids, I worked so much hoping I could earn for them, but I didn't spend the time with them, I tend to focus more on their bad behaviour more than praising their achievements.

Until that one time, I decided to just throw the dice. Stop the whole workaholic thing.. and start to really focus on what's more important. So here I am now, still going on... We cut down on my transportation to work, public transport value and school bus for my daughter, and try to make do of what we have right about now.

I cleaned the house, cook whenever I could, sent my son to school, fetch my daughter from her school as she ends in the noon. I'm quite happy with the new environment, where my kids get to have their mum to travel with them to school, and casually going back and forth home to school and playground, and no more rushing, running to school or to head back home. Knowing my children, Fina and Qasya can't be together for long, with them not seeing each other in the afternoon, I  get more personal time with my daughter and another personal time with my son when I send him to school or when he get's home by the evening. and even I have time for myself. It's great, great..