i wuv wiu hash burn

My husband is supportive of everything I do, he even joined the search for a job online with me and hopefully, I've applied to a brighter door :> you know? the door quote? when 1 door closes, the other opens? maybe I can use that quote here :>

The work again :/

I don't have any good content to compose today. I just feel a little lost, decided to spit my weird problems out here, for no one to see or by any chance, anyone to stumble upon this boring post about me complaing about my bad day.

I started a job at a supermarket sometime in late last year, September 2021? I remembered enjoying the job. Wait, not enjoying in the form of having fun, but more like comfortable with the newly found job. It's nearby, it's straight-forward. Based on the logistic experiences I had in the past, it helped me to adapt well at this supermarket. The only thing that was new to me was the working on weekends, and 6 days a week, and also have to learn the cashiering duties, which I made effort for which now I'm doing fine with it.

When I applied for the job, I was appointed under the 'grocery department', where my main responsibilities are more to the logistics side.

After some time, months had passed and I realised I had to do more than what I started with. The stocks keep piling in, I had to cover the different sections in the store and also do the cashiering and handling of new stocks, the things were all heavy and crazy. I felt like I was being kicked around. Cashiering and Logistics are two different positions.

At the end of the day, now, I am not looking forward to going back there to do crap anymore. It was a comfortable place, until one by one, my colleagues start to send in their resignation, and everything ends up with me covering different roles.

I thought maybe I am the one finding faults about the job I applied for, but whenever I tried to think of the positivity and y'know, just brush my emotions away and go to work as per normal, continuously telling myself it's going to be a 'new great day', then I started to get sick to my stomach. Feeling nauseous, having diarrhoea so I had to see the doctor, and I thought that was the 'sick' phase I had to go through and be done with after I'm well, but nope, the following week that sickness came back to me, I know it had got nothing to do with what I ate because I barely ate anything much at all. My appetite had changed, my moods are weird, I avoid and block anything related to my family, I just disconnect. That is how I feel. I tell myself maybe I'm being lazy, I should just go to work, and go outside, like a normal day, but I just can't. It sounds simple and easy to just brush it off and go. 

After taking a step back, I think it all relates to me, my mind and my body. It tires me, the work activities and after work I also have responsibilities, and on top of that the other issues to worry about.

So I think, all the thinking, worrying, trying...really isn't making me cope well with my mental health. After all the distractions I did to make myself better, like playing games, listening to music, dancing, karaoke, cleaning the house like there's no tomorrow, watching a movie, it didn't help me. I even tried sharing my feelings with the people I care about, but I don't really think they really really understand how I feel.

I've planned to resign from my current job and send out my application to another one which I called earlier today. Hopefully, the decision I've made lifts the weight off my shoulders a little. Insya'Allah.